Monday, 10 September 2012

Lack Of.... Anything!

The Old Black Dog has taken up residence again. It's a real pain in the ass, but somehow important , I think within it there is a rich vein of creativity and ideas. it's where the good stuff comes from.. and weirdly, often the funny stuff.... the dark funny stuff! I'd still rather be the kind who can leap out of bed and just enjoy their day though! I really thought at my my age I'd have a better handle on it all, that I'd feel more settled and happy with my output. I'm not though, I get less satisfied the further i go on, I'm restless, relentlessly restless! Constantly thinking of ways of changing, new ways of working etc... like slipping into a good rut would be such a bad thing. People make careers out of one technique/process, one idea, often. Why is that so bad? Why can't I just settle and ride it for all it's worth? (some probably think I am!!). I've more ideas than I have time to do any of them justice, or find outlets for. I'm not happy generally with my work (who is though, right?), i still feel it's missing ... something. Mainly i feel i need a bit more 'process', something where happy accidents can occur. At the moment I have too much control over the images I make. I'm constantly seeking, but I'm short on answers. My clay world is not going far enough fast enough either, which is really starting to frustrate me. I knew I'd bit off a lot to chew, but thought I'd get on with it quicker. On top of all these creative issues I have too many 'real world' worries. How did I get like this?? I guess I've always been like it... it's just multiplying as the years and ideas/projects accumulate. It does feel overwhelming at times and that just freezes me in my tracks, getting even less done! I can safely say this is a post just for the few bloggers who care for a bit of insight and waffle, it won't be one for sharing on facebook!!! ha ha : )


  1. Yes... "The illustrators 2nd or 3rd midlife crisis." 
    Hockney once said that he could easily go on painting splashes in sunny swimming pools in California and make a good living at it, but he couldn't stomach the idea.
    How some artists do the same theme over and over and over again. Is suspiciously like a nasty case of O C D. Or even borderline autism.
    ( If-you-ask-me.)
    Mark Rothko, Hans Bellmer. Two examples off the top of my head.
    P.S. Try working in a new media. ( a real pain in the arse, I know.) The disciplines of a new process  can't help but effect subject matter. 
    ( If-you-ask-me.)

  2. I could easily leave this comment at... Me Too.
    I've had all these same feelings and my friends who are artists have said these very same words to me. I think it must be about how the brain of a creative person is wired, there are so many of us with the same "symptoms". My daughter goes through the same thing too. My advise to her is to ride it out like a wave or a spell of the flu. It goes away, you just have to know that and wait it out. If you try to force the process, the process gets farther and farther from you. My new way to deal with it, my very immature way :) is to play Skyrim for stupid amounts of time. I only do it when everyone else has gone to bed so I don't feel like a complete loser, but from 10pm-3am is a stupid amount of time! It does help though. It gives me some sort of creative outlet that I need without me having to come up with the creativity part on my own. Then I get tired of it, the ideas come and off to work I go.
    All I can say is get to know "Time". Nothing great happens quickly or without a lot of work and time put into it.....I have finally learned to just wait, and if nothing else I go to my studio and clean it up. At least I am with my stuff and sometimes while cleaning and having empty head space, ideas pop in to say hello.
    It's all good, we are here with you floating in the same boat!

  3. Hey Ivan! thanks for the thoughts... and you're absolutely right. I've been using my scanner recently as a 'digital acid bath', and it's going somewhere, but i think what i probably need is a real acid bath and real etching. It's this chain to digital... i think, like you said, a real change of medium will create these new... things. I always come back to thinking "then how will i get that to translate back to digital?"... just scanning a physical art never quite catches it right. I am going to try some new media though, you've helped make me realize what i (think) i already knew, but was trying not to!

    Tracey, ggod to have you aboard the boat!... and i totally get your 'skyrim time', i've taken to watching Steven Segal movies!! ha ha, i like their reliable sameness!! I do think I'm about to go totally crackers though. It would help if I was buried under real work, then i would just have to make and not think too much. the kiln/cone thing is doing my head in too. I need to fire to a temp right between 2 minibar temps, so where to go??? can't under fire can't over fire. Switch to a digitally controlled kiln?? Also my clay fired very orange and yet Matt fired one for me and it went a nice red/brown!! I know he doesn't fire much higher and certainly not to the temp the clay supplier said it needed to turn darker. Fucking clay!!!.. I love clay... it's an abusive relationship!

  4. Poor you! I think it's part of the deal if you are a creative person. We'd never carry on otherwise! We'd just give up on all of this nonsense and get proper jobs. I think some suffer more than others though. Onwards and upwards! x